Tumblr

Okay you guys, I'm writing this blog to tell you that I'm taking a leap and trying out Tumblr. You'll find me at homegrownsass.tumblr.com, and I hope that you'll keep checking in with me there! I've just found that I don't have the energy for longer blogs, so I'm hoping that can be where I dump my everything that I don't necessarily need to be on Facebook and Twitter. Do you hate this idea? Tell me!

What the...?

Okay you guys, I'm famous for nightmares, but this one was pretty ridiculous. I dreamed I was in a church helping with a B#/Junior B# performance (they were both going on at once in two different rooms?) and I had to help count donation money. So then I went into this little chapel with this little old lady I didn't know, and we started counting money, but then I really had to leave because I was supposed to go camping. So I went out to the woods and it was nighttime, and I drove up to this airfield where the people I was supposed to be meeting were going to fly in by helicopter (Just roll with it). One of the people I was meeting was Chuck Norris - actually, not really him, but Walker and the other characters on "Walker, Texas Ranger." While I was waiting for them to get there, I saw this velociraptor stick its head out of a nearby bale of hay (Okay, maybe I've lost you at this point...), so when the helicopter arrived I got out of my car and ran over real fast to try to warn them, but I ended up hiding on top of the helicopter while they all get all kinds of eaten in a horrible screamy way. Then I ran back to my car and I went to the camp site, but when I was about to turn off my headlights I heard on the radio there were supposed to be pumas in the area and sure enough, there was a puma in my headlights about 100 feet in front of my car. So I go to drive away from the camp site toward my house, and then miles away in front of me there was a giant explosion, which looked like a nuclear explosion. And then when I turned around to drive away from it, THERE WAS ANOTHER ONE.

Happy friggin' Friday, everyone!

Where have I been?

Dealing with the craziest people EVER.

So, this past month at the railroad has been in-SANE. On the phone all day long, doing reservations, staying until super-late hours...just nuts. Now Jenny is working with me sometimes which is making things super a lot easier and WAY more fun!

Here are some crazy people we've had in this month...

Talking Bear Man: this guy walked in and touched and talked to everything. Yes, as if it was alive. Particularly to one of our large stuffed bears..."Well hello YOU! Aren't YOU adorable? How much are you? $75??? YOU'RE a bargain! I have a little grandchild of about 8 and he would just LOVE YOU!..."

Nasty Pants Old Lady: this old lady came in when I was on the phone, so I waved at her and smiled and made a motion for her to wait a second. She had one of those sneery faces you only get from despising everyone everywhere your whole life. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally in support of despising everyone everywhere, just not if it makes you ugly, because, EEW. She came in and Jenny tried to help her in her sweet Jenny way, and the woman said "I'm not going to talk to YOU" and waited for me to get off the phone. Our conversation went like this:

Me (in a chair): Hi, can I help you?

NPOL (five feet away): Well I'm not going to come to YOU.

Me (getting up and walking over to her): Can I help you with something?

NPOL: Are you the manager here?

Me: Yes, I am. How can I help you?

NPOL: WHY ISN'T THE TV ON?

Me: Uh...the TV?

NPOL: YES WHY ISN'T IT ON?

(We have a small TV on an extremely high shelf in the entryway to the office - they used to play looped commercials for the railroad on it but that's pretty friggin' annoying so we don't have it on anymore. Side note: she was not yelling, but was using that very agressive, I'm-so-disgusted-with-your-existence scowly old lady voice so caps is only appropriate)

Me: Well...we're not using it right now.

NPOL: ISN'T IT SUPPOSED TO BE PLAYING SOMETHING EDUCATIONAL?

Me: Well...no. We haven't been using that since I've been here...

NPOL: And how long is that?

Me: Since last season.

NPOL: WELL WHAT ABOUT THE WOOD?

Me: ...the...wood?

NPOL: THE WOOD ON THE WALL.

(We have planks of unfinished wood nailed to the wall. There's still bark on the edges - clearly somebody just thought it'd look good there and put it up amongst the foresty scenery in the entryway)

Me: Well, it's there for decoration.

NPOL (ultimate disgust): DECORATION?

Me: Well yes, we had a volunteer do the entryway for us and I'm sure he just thought it would look nice, so that's why it's up there.

NPOL: THERE ISN'T SOME KIND OF HISTORY BEHIND IT??

Me: No, I don't believe so.

NPOL: Well...WHERE DO I GET A TICKET TO ALBANY?

I directed her to the Amtrak office and that was that, but man...

And to top it off, in not quite crazy but a little bit crazy news, a very nice gentleman came in and gave me his card and said he and his group might like to ghost hunt our train! He was super nice and professional, and I'm kind of obsessed with "Ghost Hunters" so I loved it. There are your October crazy highlights! I'm sure you'll get more as Polar Express comes!

Uh...

I don't know how to tell you guys about this, but a tall, crooked-faced man came in just now while we were getting a delivery. When he first came in I was on the phone so he cornered Mom, but then when she had to handle the delivery he came over and started talking to me as if he'd been talking to me all along. He said something about when his mom died and he'd had 20 cups of coffee and he'd missed the bus and some guy challenged him to a fight at the nursing home, and he'd pulled out his Korean War vet cred and told the guy he'd kill him until the other guy backed down. He also said, "You're Italiano, right? Your grandparents would remember what it was like when this was a real city, with the barber shops and the clubs by where the Radisson is now and when there were the cabbies and everything...you remember, right?" I didn't tell him I didn't remember because I wasn't alive then - he'd obviously become detached from real life times. At that point, Mom said "Well it's been nice talking to you but I have to get back to work!" When it looked as if he'd hang around talking to me she said "And Heather does too - that phone will ring any minute!" He looked back and forth between the two of us, I nodded and smiled politely, and he said "All right, sorry about that! You guys be blessed by Jesus!" and wandered out.

MYRTLE

So you guys, I've been having trouble getting up the nerve to post stuff for you because Alien Woman was the experience to end all experiences. Alas, life must move on and something funny happened today so I'm going to tell you about it. Take that!

I get this really angry woman on the phone this morning, who wanted to drive way the hell down here to make reservations which is totally unnecessary because you can just do them OVER THE PHONE with friggin' plastic. It took me an unnecessary amount of time to effectively explain this to her, but eventually I got her to believe that yes her reservation would be valid if she used one of those newfangled "cash cards" (I'm not kidding she called it that) to make reservations with me.

The whole time, she's very annoyed with me for being helpful and answering her questions, and when I asked her name, she said "MYRTLE" with the greatest disdain I have ever heard any human being express. No last name, just Myrtle.

Dear Myrtle, perhaps you might personify your name a bit more in your daily activities? I picture a Myrtle as gentle and kind, a curly-haired, '50s-era woman who makes cookies and is maybe the tiniest bit slow on the uptake. Life would work out better for you that way!

MYRTLE.

OH MY GOD SHE CAME BACK

Oh my God, the alien was back today. She walked in, and she'd dyed her hair dark dark brown. This was our exchange...

I saw her and said "Oh hello!" and smiled.

"Hello Heather, I'm so sorry but I think my plans have changed. I think I was kidnapped last night, and I just can't take any more chances. I need to get back to my planet, I have to go to Washington D.C. and I wondered if I might give you the ticket back."

"Oh, all right, so you need a refund then?"

"Yes, if you would."

(Ordinarily I don't give refunds, but this is the exception of all exceptions) "All right, here's the $36."

"Thank you so much."

At this point, Mom came out holding a sheet of Denny's coupons. I knew she just wanted to hear what Ms. ET had to say and I had a hard time keeping a straight face at this point. Actually, I had a hard time keeping a straight face the whole time I was so excited she was back.

(To Mom, handing her the reservation form ET gave me) "This can go in the reservations file."

(ET) "Oh, just don't do any codes with it. I'm part Arabic, you know, and I'd hate to be used for any Masaad codes. I just...I just have to get back to Washington. I think I was kidnapped and...oh, you have the Adirondack newspaper, but it's so small." (Note, the newspaper wasn't small, it was just folded in half)

"The large ones [read: unfolded ones] are over there," I said, pointing.

"Oh, thank you very much. Yes, don't do any codes with that, just keep it in the file."

"Okay, will do."

"Thank you. I just have to get back to my planet. They say the State Department isn't very good, I'm sure I'll have to hire a lawyer or something."

"Oh, dear. Well, you have a good trip now."

"Thank you. Thank you very much."

I WAS TOTALLY RIGHT

So, there's this woman who's been coming in for awhile to buy tickets to Thendara because she has an uncle there. I thought I wrote about her before but I can't find the post so link me in the comments if you do - she's the one who mom and I thought seemed like an alien. Like, from another planet. She came in today and I guess she's getting pretty comfy with me, because here are some snatches of things she said, as I remember them:

"Were you ever a student at the American school in Cairo? You said your name was Heidi, I thought, I had a Heidi at the American school as a student who was very good and...oh, it's Heather is it? I had a Heather too. She was blonde."

"I'm expecting a call from the State Department, and they only give you two days notice, you know, not five, so I have to really keep an eye on the schedule." (She's buying a ticket to go to OF Saturday and told me she wanted to return at the end of November)

"I'm from another planet, you know. You know, how there are 11,000 solar systems, land of 1000 suns and all that...I'm from another solar system and I'm waiting to be repatriated by the State Department."

"That's not a very good address, just so you know. Don't try to send any mail there. I came here trying to escape the mafia, you see, and I have relatives around here, well, they're like my relatives, and because of all the Utica politics, they try to stay involved you see, they keep telling me I should move to Maryland!"

"You take care now. Take care, and don't open doors for any strangers!"

So she really is an alien. I was right you guys! I wanted to chat her up and make her talk more but I was scared. Maybe next time!